Saturday, 5 September 2009

The Belching Olympics

Yesterday, arriving too early for visiting time at the hospital, I went into a nearby pub to sink a pint whilst waiting.
At first I thought that I had come across a swearing contest : everyone in the place was addressed as a c**t and no sentence, or even part of a sentence, was complete without the descriptive and imaginative use of the word f**king.
But I soon discovered that it was in fact a belching contest I had stumbled across. In fact, it was possibly the belching Olympics. A thickset middle-aged man who looked like he had suffered a hard paper-round started the proceedings with an explosive offering. Glancing round, I noticed that this performance impressed no-one. All the c**ts sat stoney-faced.
Next came a wet, crackling effort from a huge, bald, tattooed f*cker, but this drew no comment whatsoever. I soon knew why - they were all waiting for the champion, a little bandy-legged fellow wearing a cloth cap!
His contribution, which I cannot find superlatives enough to describe, almost lifted the roof and drew roars of protest from the assembled company:
"For f**k's sake, is there no peace in this f**king place, you c**nts?"
Apparently not.

4 comments:

Tandleman said...

What a lot of c*nts!

papastonch said...

Yes, but they were very helpful c*nts. When I entered, one of them very nicely shouted through to the barman "How! There's some f*cker wants serving here!"

Tandleman said...

Class!

Jeffrey said...

Class indeed. There's something very endearing about regulars who actually give a shit about the pub they frequent, to the extent they'll chivvy the staff on the landlord's behalf and help deal with unruly elements! It reminds one that pubs are community centres as well as businesses.